I can remember signing my discharge papers after the birth of my first-born. As I sat in the wheelchair on the elevator, surrounded by nurses, I could remember thinking, “How can they let me go home now? How can they think I am actually ready to this without them?” Tears welled up in my eyes, but I tried to be strong. Such a sweet, little person deserved the best life could offer. Could my husband and I really provide that for her? We knew it was going to take a lot of faith! As a result, we named our beloved first-born, Faith. 🙂
Those first few months were the most difficult since I had no clue what I was doing–and many days, I still don’t! Ha ha! Yet, I was fortunate to stay home with Faith for the first six months, and I witnessed all of her “firsts”. I can remember her crawling, climbing out of her crib (scared me half to death!), walking, talking, and getting into everything. I look at her now, and I can’t believe how mature she’s becoming. I have to remind myself sometimes that she is only eight years old. She is definitely my mini-me.
No one is born knowing how to be a parent. It’s true that the first child is the guinea pig.With that said, I have definitely made my share of mistakes. I wish I could go back and correct those horrible parenting moments because I don’t want my oldest–or any of my daughters–to remember me only for my shortcomings. That’s why I work hard everyday to be a better parent than I was the day before. I try so hard to be a good role model, and to show my daughter that she can accomplish anything her heart desires. One of the most important concepts I hope she learns is that she doesn’t have to be perfect. This is something that has haunted me my entire life, and I want to spare her of this line of thinking.
I know I cannot change the past. It’s been eight years, and I still don’t “have it all together”, but God knows I’m trying! Faith and I butt heads many days because we are so much alike, but I have faith we will have a great relationship and bond as we get older. I want her to know that I am always here for her, and that I love her more than words can describe.